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Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Over the years...

At the age of 30 and counting, life has been good to me so far. I'm not bed ridden with any mad disease, nor am I bankrupt and knee deep in dept. I should be glad and happy but sometimes, somethings just gripe you in such a way that you just want to rant it all out. I realised that as I aged, I changed. To be more mature? I wonder. More fussy about stuffs? Probably. Thinks way too much? Definitely. I seem to constantly have an on-going war in my head, albeit like the devil who keeps reminding me of things I don't wish to remember, pointing out things that I am upset about and magnifying all small little petty things, making it appear much bigger than it really is. What the hell is wrong with me? Age? I'm much too young to be experiencing menopause right?

One thing has been bugging me for the longest time. Who am I? Like, what kind of character am I? What kind of personality do I have? I don't seem to know what kind of creature I am anymore. There was a time when I wanted to be the perfect human being, knowing my faults and changing it. Despite hating confrontations, I tried to take it in my stride and listen to all the negative stuffs about myself and I try to change them. Over time, friends change, some left, some came, some remained. That's when I started to change unknowingly. I no longer strive to be a better person but instead a bitter person. Because whenever I confront, people back off and hide. When that happens, I get upset and confront further and the more they back off and hide. Its like me poking a snail and irritating it and it withdraws further back into their shell. My method is probably wrong, instead of poking, I could try... ermm.. stroking? Weird anecdote but yeah you get the drift. Probably I came on too strong and that's why they are afraid to share how they feel. But I do remember I tried using the "softer" way and it works on some friends, and well, lets just say not all friends like it no matter "hard" or "soft" because it requires way too much work. It would be much better to just cover it up and hide it. So, why can't I do it the same way too? Why must I know why they feel? Why must I try and improve or repair something that probably does not even need to be repaired? I think it all boils down to the point that, I probably am a perfectionist in relationships. 

A perfectionist that cannot withstand any untruths in a relationship. It hurts when you realise that you have been kept in the dark and lied to the whole time you are enjoying a relationship. I thought we were friends, and friends do not lie to each other. See... the perfectionist is speaking again. All in all, I can't deny the fact that it hurts when I know that I was lied to not once or twice but for quite a fair bit. I pondered about this and all it came to was that the problem lies with me. I am too much of a perfectionist in the sense that I cannot withstand any "wrong-doings". I reprimand and I confront and I reason. Because I thought that is what a friend should do. To be your blind-spot checker and prevent you from getting into accidents that can be prevented... So, I am back to square one again. Who am I? What kind of person should I be? What kind of friend should I be? Just be yourself, you say? Well, I did and I'm not getting anywhere.

Everyone has their side of their story.
Probably the other side is what I needed to hear to have a closure to this matter.
Or probably I will learn to sweep it under the carpet and never to be brought up again.



Thursday, March 08, 2012

Less heart

Once, I thought I had friends whom I can freely share my opinions and unhappiness with. Now it seems certain opinions aren't meant to be shared.. or probably the closeness of our friendship has come to a pitstop.

Heartless... happens when a person once cared too much.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

what ticks me?

when people i care about makes me feel that i am unimportant to them.
e.g. not listening when i talk, not caring when i share, not telling when things happen..

i always believed in "dont do unto others what you dont want others to do unto you.." and recently it has turned into "do unto others what they have done unto you".

Sunday, December 12, 2010

At times like this...

... i wonder what i've been doing.

Chronicles of Narnia yesterday sparked a few thoughts in me and had me reflecting on my current situation. Am I chasing after unimportant things in life so much so that I actually sacrifice the real me? I've neglected my relationship with God for so long, and its been bugging me for ages. The same old stuff -- The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak -- i think that's just an excuse to get away from the real problem. I really want to get back onto the railway track once more. Watching Narnia and seeing Aslan, i actually felt God's presence, and I was really taken aback.

I missed You.
I've been taking too much advantage of Your grace, knowingly..
Your promises to me really stands so firm.
Though I've forgotten You, but yet You still have not forgotten me..
I will be back once more just like the Prodigal son.
Wait for me :)

神様、待ってください。
すぐにきますよ。

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I'm off again!!

YEAY!



I'm flying in less than an hour's time! @ T2 now currently with my flying partners -- Yuling, Eunice, Ching and Cindi! We ran from Gate F50 to E24 just to see Jang Geun Suk! How lucky are we! To think that our departure date is the same arrival date as him! We took photos and videos! he is sooooooooooo friendly!

i think i sound more excited about seeing him than flying to korea!

omo!

Back in sg soons!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Japan 2009 Day 5 [150509: Friday]

This is so typical of me. I always start doing things whenever I'm supposed to study.
I need discipline! No wait! I have God's grace! I can SCORE for JLPT! AMEN!
And i know... sorry!! Day 5!




It’s Friday… and we decided to have Macdonald’s for breakfast! Japan’s Macs Breakfast is no different from Singapore’s – hotcakes, mcmuffins, mcgriddles. The only difference is the butter for the hotcake I suppose. Its weird, and I honestly prefer the butter in Singapore! 10:1! Japan still wins. Haha! Ohh. But their egg Mcmuffin is yummy cos of their half-cooked egg! 11:1!



Our daily morning ritual... Zzz


i love how Ninja provides such small little details everywhere!


our macs breakie!


yums!


Little children loves drinking milk! *slurps*


I actually ordered a mcgriddle! -_-


I love how Japanese cook their eggs!




... and so we were bored and decided to play around...!


.. and they are really excited about it! haha!


m m m m m m m


they said "wooo its cold! if only we could hug and walk at the same time!"... and that's what they did!


went into a shop that sells japanese dolls.... very pretty..... scary!


cin's transforming to be one of them!


Happy Us !


*points points*


ooo?!?!

Today, Asakusa is on our plan! I finally got to see the famous huge hanging lantern but I was a tad disappointed because it was half closed! Nevertheless, the weather was great and it was fun shopping for souvenirs there and I bought a purse for my mom which she loves a lot! So glad I bought it!

Greeted by lanterns once we came out of the train station!


Photos are definitely a must!


Trishaw pullers! ...dressed sexily somemore!


See! Its half squashed! Btw, a guy from Hk approached us to take a photo for him and in return, he offered to take a photo for us. haha! Tourists helps one another!


Ice-cream! honestly.. i can't remember the taste of it, so i guess it was ok. haha!


Resting while eating ice-cream...


... and that's because we can only eat the ice-cream behind the shop and we cant walk around eating it.


Sexy puddings! No photos allowed! *oops




The whole place was so crowded with tourist and Japanese as well as Japanese students! Many many many students! We saw a group of them taking photos and I took a photo of them and “EH!” I spotted someone familiar amidst the student crowd!



Students!!!


Extras!!!!!!!


We went into the temple, and played with the divination lots and we got a variety, ranging from Best Fortune, Regular Fortune and Bad Fortune. For those who received the bad fortune, they were supposed to tie it on this pole so that the bad fortune will go away. Thank God such things were already paid for us on the Cross! :)



Drawing lots!



You could tell immediately who got the good lots and who didn't! :)


Our lots! some of it~

We had a short rest, talked about our itinerary, took a toilet break, took more crazy photos…


:)


Resting!


http://images.danlyne.multiply.com/image/1/photos/82/400x400/193/194.JPG?et=


And we are so blessed! We were pleasantly surprised when we saw everyone crowding around an area and from what I understood; Asakusa had an event on that day! The ceremony was quite freaky because of their dressing and the “ha ha ha” voice in the background which I couldn’t really understand. We enjoyed the whole ceremony, looking at the different dressings and just simply absorbing a different culture.



The event begins!

Some were plain freaky......... like this red haired guy..



Some were quite interesting! .. like the geishas! Check out the one on the left! An ang mor! And on the right -- she reminds me of Quan Yi Feng! haha!




..and even more freaky... they totally didn't smile at all....




... and some were just plain............


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*ahems*

Next, it was lunch!... and more crazy photos! Mad la these people I tell you…

kailin even started self-directing a "movie" when she saw this group of people who ate something that looked really delicious (i cant remember what it was? mashed potatos?) and she acted a whole scene of she approaching them and asking them if it was delicious till the point that they let her have a taste of it, and how she pretended that she couldn't decide if it was delicious or not, so she kept tasting it till she finished the food! It was a very lame act but definitely 100% entertaining! should have video-ed it down!






More shopping and sightseeing! Oh and we saw this thing that looks like the tabernacle!



:)))


2 geishas back!


the boy on the left so cute la! he took plastic bags for us when we bought stuffs! the girl on the right is involved in the event and she's acting some kinda expression~


.... and we saw big doggy!

Next on our list is our last trip to Ichiran Ramen! Back to Ueno especially for our ramen… sadness but delicious as usual! This time round, we had to sit separately; cin and lin ordered extra noodles and 2 eggs to commemorate their last Ichiran Ramen meal!


Asakusa station!


Lazy pig la!


Q-ing at ichiran!!


Waiting for our noodles!!!


...and it arrives!!


It's here!!! Heaven's food!


YUMS!! Look at the egg!!!

Days of walking has taken a toil on us and we decided to head back to the hostel earlier to rest and sleep early and wake up early for the next day, but alas! We decided to play and dye our hair! Resulting in another late night session *yawns*



our innovative "shower cap" -- plastic bags!


OOO...!


we had left overs so juli had a go too!!


Hairrr color!


my bed that turns to "table" with loadsa stuff at the side!


Messsy room and us bidding u goodbyee.....

till my next entry!
*which i got no idea when!*

[More Photos Here!]